I have made a decision. To.. be.. happy. Regardless of all the negative things/people around me. Even if I'm having a terrible day. The hardest part of being happy is deciding to do it. So, I'm happy. Now I just repeat the following to myself throughout the day: "If you're mad, shut the hell up. If you're annoyed, leave whatever (usually whoever) is annoying you alone. If you're tired, it's your own fault.. shut the hell up. If you're hungry, eat. If you're sad, definitely shut the hell up." I'm bullying myself into being happy. We'll see how long it takes for the inevitable nervous breakdown to happen..
Speaking of happy.. I got an interesting phone call today. Definitely unexpected, as well as the feelings it brought on. Yes, I said it, feelings. Apparently I'm having those now? Weird thing is.. they're not so bad :) Although I'm still extremely tired (shut the hell up) and still, just a tiny bit, feeling that "head barely above water" feeling.. my week has turned around. Funny how it really is all about the small things sometimes.
I think my better mood also has something to do with the lack of guy drama in my life. I kept expecting that things with "Dear Stupid" would get messy and eventually just be a total disaster. But, as it turns out, ignoring people and their feelings is a lot easier than it seems. Bad karma for me? Or his karma finally catching up to him? As little as I care about him, I actually would like to know what's going on in his mind and what he thinks is going on here. He's either very indifferent, like me, or just REALLY stupid. I'm going with the latter. This is how our last conversation went:
Stupid: "What are you doing?"
H: "Studying, about to go to bed"
Stupid: "Come see me"
H: "Can't. Studying."
Stupid: "Can I come see you?"
H: "I'm busy.."
H: "You can come over here and sleep.. but let's not talk"
Appaaaarently that's mean? I prefer to think of it as honest. Seriously, man up. It's okay to miss someone, like someone, want to spend time with someone. It is NOT okay to not be able to take a hint and realize when someone doesn't miss you, like you, want to spend time with you back. Silly boys.
I'm pretty sure that 97% of the guys I know think I hate all males. The other 3% are either gay or don't care. That's not really the case. Emphasis on the really. I don't "hate" anyone. I just really dislike idiots and most guys I've met are, in fact, idiots. Sometimes they're funny and I don't mind hilarious stupidity. Mostly they're just clingy and emotional. Which is fine if you're the girl that needs a guy around 24/7. I don't. If I'm with someone, it's because I WANT to be with that person not because I need to be. So, no, I do not hate all guys. I'm annoyed with the stupid ones and I like the ones who treat me like a human being, not a brainless, piece of ass. And apparently I date the ones who are crazy. Glad I got that cleared up.
Tomorrow is gonna be a good day :)