Monday, February 14, 2011

Two thumbs down? Turn it around!

Critics. Ugh. It seems that, no matter what you're doing, there will always be critics in your life. Even if you're doing something good. Someone will always find something to bitch about. Well, I have one thing to say: BITCH ON. You're not gonna slow this girl down, no sir :)

Lately I've been noticing a lot of changes in myself. The biggest one, and by far my favorite, is this newfound confidence and self assurance I have. Not that was ever really lacking confidence altogether, but combined with my increased "I don't care what you think, I'm gonna do what I want" attitude, I feel pretty badass right about now. I'm independent, fairly content, and making things happen for myself. I've come a long way in the last year.. and I'm not ashamed to say that I'm proud of myself. I think I might even pat myself on the back now. That felt good :)

The other night, for my inspiration board, I was looking for good quotes. And I found some pretty good ones:

"Why should we live with such hurry and waste of life? We are determined to be starved before we are hungry."

"It is true that I have had heartache and tragedy in my life. These are things none of us avoids. Suffering is the price of being alive."

"When I hear somebody sigh, "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, 'Compared to what?'"

I love quotes that really make you think. So, now, what I'm thinking is.. what is life all about? I guess the answer is different according to everyone. But this blog is about me :) So here's my answer..

To me, life is about joy. What do I mean by joy? Well, I have a very good, very smart friend that actually put into words exactly how I feel.. (Thank you, Amelia :) Hope you don't mind me using this!)

I've been happy before. I've known exactly what was making me happy, and the minute that the cause of my happiness went away, so did the feeling. This. This is different. Joy is not conditional. It's not a feeling. It's a state of being. It's peace. It's the knowledge of knowing that no matter what happens, you have amazing constants in your life that will not leave you or forsake you.

I agree completely, joy is not the same as being happy. For me, that's what life is about, finding joy, finding peace. I guess where and how you find that is different for everyone too. In my case.. I have found my joy, my peace, in finally being comfortable in my own skin. I can honestly say that I wake up every morning and I'm happy to be alive. I'm happy to be me, to have the things I do, and live the life I live. I have bad days and countless moments of imperfection. And I also have days where I exceed even my own expectations of myself and push myself to do better, be better.. and succeed. I am blessed.

I am perfectly imperfect. Unusually unusual. There will always be someone prettier, smarter, skinnier, more accomplished, braver, whatever.. than me. But there will never, in the whole world, be another me. No one can be the strong, stubborn, at times over-emotional, giving, loving, confident, over analyzing, flawed mess that is me.

To me, that's what life is about. Knowing who I am, loving who I am, finding joy.. in who I am. Please, critics, bitch on :)

Last chance thrift stores, I lay my soul to rest
I will always be second place at best

Mood: OVERjoyed :)
Listening to: Jon Black - This Is Not the Answer
(I don't know where else to find it, but I'm looking)

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