Had an interesting conversation with a friend today about "settling". I've kinda been interested in this guy. Now I'm starting to think I built him up a little too much. Not only do I think he's a bit of a player (which would be fine usually.. but for some reason it bothers me this time) but I also think he's just kinda weird. And not good weird. Having liquor goggles while sober, are we? I realize, though, that everyone is a little weird in their own way. I'm sure he's a great guy, just not the guy for me. In an effort to avoid awkwardness, I'll probably just avoid him and hope he can take a hint. Bitch move? Whatever.
So I found this quote today.. actually, I've heard it before but it just seemed so much more personal this time.
"I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism."
-Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)
This describes me so perfectly (except maybe the falling in love fast part.. but especially "without measuring risks") it's scary. I think I like the idea of people sometimes, more than I actually like them, which causes me to make excuses for them and my feelings towards them. This is something I'm gonna have to work on as part of this new "feelings" thing I'm doing. Still weird. I got some great advice today that I'm gonna follow:
(I should probably give a little background so this makes sense.. at the time, my friend was in public and couldn't say what she really wanted to say. So, she substituted "have sex/had sex/having sex" with the words "color/colored/coloring" throughout the whole conversation. Weird, I know. That's how we roll..)
"I usually like to compare guys to shopping. If you see something in the store, and don't see yourself wearing it.. you shouldn't buy it. Cuz you're NEVER gonna wear it. If you meet a guy and don't immediately want to "color" with him, or go to the movies with him, leave him alone. Cuz you're never gonna wanna "color" with him"
Makes sense. Although I don't typically wanna "color" with someone upon meeting them.. I get where she was going with it. If you don't think you'll want something a week from now, you probably don't really want it right now either. She also compared guys to shopping in another way:
"I look at it this way.. I'm not at a store where I have to pick one guy there. I can go to Target, or Walmart, or the mall.. and look for guys there too. If I don't find what I want at one place, I can keep looking until I find what I do want"
It worries me a little that she compares everything to shopping and scares me how much sense she makes at the same time. But I guess that's what I've been doing. I've, subconsciously, been settling for things from one store.. instead of looking for what I really want somewhere else. (Although I haven't really been looking) So, I guess that's what I'm doing now. Not shopping to buy (looking to find someone) but window shopping just to figure out what I want. I wish everything was like shopping. Shopping makes so much more sense than life.