Friday, February 4, 2011

Fill me up

I just realized that I have yet to post about my one, true love.. music. Music is the one constant in my life. The only thing that's every REALLY always been there for me. Making me cry, making me smile, making me live.

Back in the day, when MySpace was the big thing, they had MySpace blogs. At the end you could type in your mood and what music you were listening to/book you were reading. I wish this blog had that. Music can be so influential on your mood. I think I'll include it anyway :) (Lucky you, 8 followers!)

I'm addicted to this show "Teen Mom". If you're not familiar with it, it started from the show "16 and Pregant". Basically following the lives of girls in high school who are pregnant and still dealing with the everyday drama of teen life too. It's annoying, dramatic, and totally addicting. Now we're on season 2 of the orginal show "Teen Mom". The annoying part is that these girls are soooo stupid. Especially Jenelle. She parties all the time, has lost custody of her baby to her own mother, and doesn't seem to care that she's just screwing up her life. How smart is this kid? Well, here we go: "I'm not hungover. I'm tired, I have a headache, I feel like I'm gonna throw up" Hey, stupid bitch, you're hungover! I can't imagine having a kid right now, much less at 16. But I'd still do any and everything possible to be the best mom ever if I was in that situation. I don't even know this girl and I have zero respect for her.

Got my work schedule for this week coming up and it looks like things aren't slowing down anytime soon. That's okay, I can do this. Hard times? BRING IT! I'm gonna be tired, moody, busy and probably not my usual happy self for another week or so. But eventually it WILL be worth it. Eye on the prize. I'm makin things happen! :)

"Keep on going & chances are you will stumble on something, perhaps when you are least expecting it. I never heard of anyone ever stumbling on something while sitting down."

This post has been an all day process. To avoid numerous posts in one day I've just been typing here and there as thoughts enter my mind. I've erased a lot of them because they're mostly random thoughts and really don't entertain anyone but me. It's interesting to me (and probably only to me cuz I'm the only one who knows) how the mood has changed several times in one post depending on what time of the day it is, what I'm doing or what's just happened.

Current mood: Defeat. Or whatever mood comes right before defeat. But basically I'm borderline there so..

For whatever reason, my new bosses decided not to pay me yesterday. Instead, they'd let all the hours from this week go on the next check, making it a little more. Which is fine, except the next check is the week after next and Heather has rent due. Shit. At least I have a check from my other job, even though it's not much. I guess it's back to ramen after all..

Being a little less than pleased about my financial situation, imagine my surprise when I log into my bank account and find that I've overdrawn. Luckily, I'm overdraft protected by my mom's account. Good news, right? WRONG. I don't have to pay overdraft fees to the bank, but I now have to pay the money back to my mother. Which is almost worse. Scratch that, IS worse. I guess when she said I was "cut off" she actually meant it this time. And it doesn't make her heart warm and fuzzy to know that, not only have I overdrawn my acct, I'm getting money from her account. What really annoys me is that it's not even MY fault that I overdrew. Not directly anyway.. but bitching about it won't change anything. So, goodbye paycheck. Hello, ramen.

After a mini meltdown in the bathroom at work and a pep talk, I'm fine. Just breathe, sometimes life sucks. There are thousands, maybe millions, of people who have it SO much worse than I do. Suck it up.

On that note, I'm so glad it's finally the weekend. I've been looking forward to, and SO needed, this weekend since.. well last weekend. I'm ready for "me" time. I'm ready to turn my phone off, forget about facebook, curl up in my bed and watch movies all day. Maybe even all night too. Crazy weekend? No. Necessary for my sanity? Oh yes.

Thank you, God, for music..

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe
that you still have a reason to sing
Cuz the pain you've been feeling
can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling
it's just the dark before the morning

Current Mood: Hopeful
Listening to: Josh Wilson - Before the Morning


  1. I'm really happy that you're finding such strength right now, but you have the right to complain. It makes me sad inside when you tell yourself to suck it up. You're doing so much. You deserve to rant on here.