Sunday, February 20, 2011

Mama said there'd be days like this

Maybe it's time to change
And leave it all behind
I've never been one to walk alone
I've always been scared to try

So why does it feel so wrong
To reach for something more
To wanna live a better life
What am I waiting for

Cuz nothing stays the same
Maybe it's time to change

I love music. Especially how the perfect songs seems to find me at just the right time. It IS time for a change. I'm so tired of the same thing, the same people, the same places. I'm so tired of being TIRED and always complaining because I'm not happy with this repetitive carousel of bullshit that is my life recently.

I've been trying to decorate my apartment for the last 4 months. I've either been too busy, too broke, or planning on moving away. Since I decided to stay here, at least long enough to figure out what I want, I figured I should finally start the decorating process again.

So yesterday, I woke up, drove for a while, and went shopping. All day, by myself. It was one of the best days I've had in a really long time. I didn't have to rush, worry about anyone else, or stress about ANYTHING. I spent 2 hours in one store, just looking at everything, planning out ideas in my head. And no one bitched about it or got in my way. It was kind of perfect.

I think that's the change I need. To be somewhere different, not worrying about making anyone else happy. Just making myself happy. At least I'm moving in that direction. Right?

On a more frustrating note, I am an idiot. I think I want something, then I get it, and I find a way to ruin it for myself. Except in this case, I'm not sure I'm ruining it entirely on my own. Ugh. Damn. Blahhhh! I don't like caring. It's messy and almost always ends badly. At this point I should probably stop typing and start sleeping. Week from hell part 2, starting.. now.

Mood: Blah. Shut up.

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