Wednesday, March 9, 2011

My "Eat, Pray, Love" post.. but not really

I was supposed to take a break from blogging for 5 days. I failed. I only lasted 3. I learned something though. I thought taking a break from blogging would be like a mini "healing" process for me. In the last 3 days, though, I've just been adding onto the same post. Apparently blogging IS the healing process for me. It just feels better to get everything out, to see the words on the page, even if no one else can read them yet.

In the last 3 days, I've been really pushing myself to set some goals. I've kinda just been replaying the last month or two and figuring out what I wanted to be different about them, then going from there. Goals based on lessons learned, seemed like a good idea at the time. Anyway, here's what I've come up with:

Goal 1: Give. I've really been thinking about volunteering. Lately, I haven't had the time to do anything other than work. Now that I have a little more time, volunteering has moved back up on my list. I believe that God has a hand in every aspect of my day to day life and sometimes I start to see little "signs" that only reassure me of that.

It's interesting how this whole thing started. I've recently been trying to push myself to be more health conscious. I was watching a talk show and the guest was the author of a book about making healthy choices when eating at restaurants. So, I'm assuming to see if the audience knew what choices to make, they set up "this" or "that" options for the audience to vote on and see which was the more health conscious choice. There were about 15 or 20 plates of food used for this process and all I could think was, "look how much food they wasted just to test people on making smart food choices. How about not wasting food as a smart choice?"

After the show, I started cleaning house for my mom. Since my dad has been working out of town, she's spent the last few weekends away with him. While cleaning out the refrigerator, I was annoyed with how much food I was throwing away. I kept thinking, "if you know you're not going to be here to eat the food, or eat the food at all, why would you buy it?"

Later that night, I was flipping through a magazine and saw an ad for "No Kid Hungry". Of course, I googled it to see what it was all about and immediately wanted to be involved. As it turns out, you can get involved very easily in your own community. So, that's where I plan to start giving. Apparently, you can host an event called "The Great American Bake Sale", which is exactly what it sounds like (a bake sale), and the proceeds go to No Kid Hungry. I'm really excited about it and planning to talk to some friends this week to get them involved too!

It didn't even hit me until 4 hours later how ironic it was that I had such concerns about wasting food and ended up wanting to be involved with this particular organization.

Goal 2: "Operation: Let It Go"
Regret weighs so heavy on the heart. I don't need that dead weight anymore. My solution? Let. It. Go.

A long time ago, I wanted to have a bonfire. The point of this bonfire was for me, and all of my friends who wanted to participate, to gather up all the pictures, letters, memories from ex-boy/girlfriends and burn them. Not really in an angry way or anything. More to be symbolic of letting go and moving on from the past. Say your peace, burn the shit, and be done with it. It's obviously getting a little warm outside for a bonfire now, but I still like the idea. I might find some alternative or end up throwing a "burn party" on one of the last cold nights we're supposed to have.

Goal 3: Be a loser! In the weight loss sense, of course. It is my mission for the months of March and April to be more health conscious. Not only to eat better and lose weight, but to understand more about the food I'm eating and the benefits of those foods. I'm planning on trying out the recent diet fads and finally getting around to testing everything on my "superfoods" list. Last time I did this, I discovered my love of carrot juice. I also learned how to make my own healthy smoothies, that were equally yummy. I'm pretty excited about this goal.

Goal 4: Learn something new. 2 years ago, I got a sewing machine for my birthday. When I was a little girl, my great grandma tried to teach me to sew and crochet. Back then I didn't have the patience for it. Now that's she passed on, I not only wish I had been more patient for the opportunity to share more moments like that with her, but also to have that skill. I always thought it would be pretty cool to buy plain, or even ugly, pieces of clothing from thrift stores and make them into something new and unique. The buying crap from thrift stores part I've got down. The sewing part, not so much. As part of this goal, I'm giving myself a deadline. I would like to not only learn to sew (and sew good) but also have completed my very own, original outfit by May. I see this being, by far, the funniest goal I have to accomplish. I have no patience whatsoever at learning new skills. The whole cutting back on cursing thing will definitely be exercised during this process.

Goal 5: Blind travel. I can't really think of any other way to describe it than that. This will probably be the last goal I accomplish since I'd like time to save a little money for it. I haven't decided how to go about it yet. I thought about writing random places on paper and drawing from a hat. Or maybe just clicking some random spot on my GPS map. I'm not really sure.. basically I'm gonna get in my car and drive, to a totally random place. No plans, no itinerary, no expectations. I'm just gonna get in the car, drive, and spend an entire day (or maybe 2) exploring somewhere new, something new. I think figuring out how to accomplish this will be more work than actually doing it. Tips would be greatly appreciated for this goal :)

So, those are the goals I've set for myself in the last 3 days. I plan on adding more, but starting small makes me feel like I'll actually do them. I'm really excited :) The rest of this post is basically "mini posts" from the last time I blogged. I know it's only been 3 days but it's been really good for me. I really thought, in great detail, about some of the things I wanna do. The great thing about these goals is that they're short term and they're all attainable. I feel good about this.

Oh, it's what you do to me (Day 1)
I hate those feelings that you keep inside, trying to deny, because when you say them out loud, or write them, they become so real. And then you can't hide from yourself anymore.

I guess I'm hiding from those feelings right now. I'm struggling with the whole "waiting" thing. I can tell myself everyday that this time is for me but deep down, I feel like I'm always waiting for someone to come along that's gonna fix everything. I know that's wrong. No one is going to be my cure. I need to do it myself, but does it have to be so hard?

My memory is also tormenting me. I keep having these random flashbacks of times when I was so happy with someone. And even though I don't want to be with that person anymore, I keep wondering what could change that happiness? Or was it even real happiness in the first place? Maybe not. If not, I definitely don't want that again. The heart can play such dirty tricks on the mind sometimes. Or is it the other way around?

I guess, regardless of how hard it is, I'm gonna keep "fixing" myself til I'm all better. Because, somehow, I feel that settling would only break me down more. Just keep moving forward.. move, move, move..

Dead and gone (Day 2)
Today I had lunch with an old friend. It was so nice to catch up, to see someone from the past. It was even nicer to be able to hang out with a guy and not be worried about expectations or intentions. I love that there are people in my life that things will never change with. Those people that, not matter how much times goes by between conversations or seeing each other, you can always pick up right where you left off.

Anyway, this is my song of the day:
Dead and Gone - TI & Justin Timberlake (yum!)

If I was one of those people that got huge areas of my body tattooed, I'd probably get this somewhere. I love this part of the song, it's real.

I turn my head to the East
I don't see nobody by my side
I turn my head to the West
Still nobody in sight
So I turn my head to the North
Swallow that pill that they call pride
That old me is dead and gone
But that new me will be alright

So, it's back to work today. I'm not even a little excited about that. I am, however, still super excited about my goals. I needed something to focus on and I think this will be great! :)

Indifference(Day 3)
I'm totally having one of those "Really?! Like, freakin REALLY?! You have GOT to be kidding me!" kinda days. I'm so disappointed right now. I guess that's what happens when you have faith in, and try to see the best in, people. What a waste of time. Oh well, it happens. Moving on..

Today's horoscope: Unexpected "in-law" or family problems seem to keep cropping up lately. You just don't see eye to eye with your own parents, or the parents of your significant other. There are ways to find workable compromises that can bring people back together.

To the "in-law"/other family problems, all I have to say is, Ha.. Haha.. HAHAHA. The rest of it, holy potato! So true. Since my dad has been outta town a lot lately, I decided to invite my mom to stay the night with me so she wouldn't have to be home alone. EPIC FAIL. I love my mom, I really do. But geeeeeez does that woman know how to push my buttons!! Everything I do, from the way I drive to the way I wash dishes, seemed to be cause for complaint. I haven't bickered that much about pointless (no other word for it but..) BULLSHIT since my last relationship. I mean, seriously, she drives me nuts! I guess that's what parents do though. I should just feel lucky to have parents that are still around to annoy me, which I do. I'll survive.

Fallout (Day 3, Part 2)
There are no words. Sometimes things happen that make you really think about what's important in life, what matters most. That's happened. It actually happened 2 days ago and, as hard as I've tried to put on a brave face and pretend nothing's changed, I feel like everything is falling apart. It didn't really hit me then but it's hitting me now. I can't even begin to describe how I feel. I guess shock would be a good place to start.. but even that doesn't feel fitting. I guess that's why there's usually a negative feeling about "the unexpected", right? Because you usually don't expect the bad things that happen. Life's little curveballs. I just keep reminding myself to breathe and focusing on my goals. Everything happens for a reason.

This, luckily for you, is the end. I hope you've been as entertained by the last 3 days of my life as I have :)

1 comment:

  1. There are SO many emotions in this entire post. It really paints the picture of how complex humans are lol I like your goals, especially the traveling one.