Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows
It doesn't seem like it's been almost 3 years since I wrote this blog. So much in my life has changed & so many times I've failed to look at the bigger picture & be truly thankful for everything I've been blessed with. I want to always be at the place in my life that I was back then. To wake up everyday & just be grateful.
Even in the last year so many things have happened & I've changed in so many ways that I felt like I had to "let go" of my old self to move on & start over. But maybe some things AREN'T better left in the past. Even if you grow & become a better person from it, maybe you're supposed to keep a little part of who you used to be. I've learned so much in the last year, in the last 6 months, in the last week.. I've realized my dreams, changed my mind, acted selfish & immature, grown up, laugh, cried, been happy, been heartbroken & finally I have learned to be okay with me. It's hard to let go & trust your heart, hard to face the fear of rejection or failure & just go after what you want. But I'd rather have a few scratches & bruises from trying than be unharmed & always wonder "what if.."
My biggest revelation? YOU CAN'T ALWAYS MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY. No matter what. You will always be trying & failing. In the end, you have to do what makes YOU happy. Because no one else has to wake up in the morning & wear your regret on their sleeve. Sometimes doing what's "right" isn't right at all & sometimes being "right" isn't the most important thing. Never again will I rule out second chances, or third chances, or more. Because if I feel in my heart, truly believe, that someone is worthy of my love & respect, I will take that chance. Never again will I hold back my feelings, be guarded or shut people out. If I let someone in & get hurt, so be it. Because nothing hurts like knowing later that taking that chance would have changed everything.
This is a new day for me, a new life for me. Not a "new" me.. just a better, stronger, smarter me.