Back in the day, when Myspace was the social networking tool of choice, I wrote this on my Myspace blog. About a year ago, I read it again and couldn't believe how much has changed. And.. more than a year later, once again, I'm in awe of how much has changed since this post but I feel like it's worth sharing, so here it is. The first one is the original and the second is my, almost 3 years later, "reflection". I almost can't even believe I wrote this at 18 years old.. They say you don't know what you had until it's gone. That may be true.. but it is also true that you don't know what you've been missing until it comes into your life. Most of the time we don't realize that with each door that closes, another quickly opens. Sometimes we meet someone & wonder how we've managed to make it so far in life without knowing them, or we finally find that answer to a difficult question that we've been seeking. Often, when we don't even realize that we've been looking, we find something even greater. One ordinary day we find all that we have been searching for and all that we will ever need. In that moment, our entire lives are forever changed. As everything slowly begins to fall into place, we know just how blessed we are. Our eyes open completely and we can see the beauty in all that surrounds us. We learn that there is purpose in our being. Also that whatever may come, we should not fear, but have faith and with that faith, we can overcome all things. We find that we are never alone and learn that we have found a love that never fails. That there really is something, someone greater than us that we cannot see, but that we can hear and feel in our hearts. How amazing, how glorious, how perfect is He.. that has given so much for us, and asks for only our love in return. If we speak and we listen, He will hear and guide us to His loving arms. Although we have made mistakes, lost our way, and denied Him.. He forgives us.. and loves us. Not only that, allows us to share that love with others and surrounds us with others who honor Him and help us to see what we are living FOR. He provides someone to walk with, to love, to honor as well. Through these gifts we see just how much He loves us.
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows
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It doesn't seem like it's been almost 3 years since I wrote this blog. So much in my life has changed & so many times I've failed to look at the bigger picture & be truly thankful for everything I've been blessed with. I want to always be at the place in my life that I was back then. To wake up everyday & just be grateful.
Even in the last year so many things have happened & I've changed in so many ways that I felt like I had to "let go" of my old self to move on & start over. But maybe some things AREN'T better left in the past. Even if you grow & become a better person from it, maybe you're supposed to keep a little part of who you used to be. I've learned so much in the last year, in the last 6 months, in the last week.. I've realized my dreams, changed my mind, acted selfish & immature, grown up, laugh, cried, been happy, been heartbroken & finally I have learned to be okay with me. It's hard to let go & trust your heart, hard to face the fear of rejection or failure & just go after what you want. But I'd rather have a few scratches & bruises from trying than be unharmed & always wonder "what if.."
My biggest revelation? YOU CAN'T ALWAYS MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY. No matter what. You will always be trying & failing. In the end, you have to do what makes YOU happy. Because no one else has to wake up in the morning & wear your regret on their sleeve. Sometimes doing what's "right" isn't right at all & sometimes being "right" isn't the most important thing. Never again will I rule out second chances, or third chances, or more. Because if I feel in my heart, truly believe, that someone is worthy of my love & respect, I will take that chance. Never again will I hold back my feelings, be guarded or shut people out. If I let someone in & get hurt, so be it. Because nothing hurts like knowing later that taking that chance would have changed everything.
This is a new day for me, a new life for me. Not a "new" me.. just a better, stronger, smarter me.
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