Everything is gonna be okay. I know this.. I just have to keep reminding myself.
I've had about 8 hours of sleep total the last two nights. Aside from being exhausted, work has been great. I really love my job, which helps the days go by faster, and I'm so thankful for the chance to work with such awesome people. If I can just get caught up on sleep and eliminate some stress.. I think I might get out from under my little cloud of darkness and back to my oblivious state of "happy happy, joy joy".
On a positive note, I'm finding it a lot easier to blog now that I've gotten everything out. I mean, I don't really have a lot to talk about right now but, at the same time, I don't feel like I've hit an emotional brick wall. Progress? I hope so.
I've cut a few people out of my life. Some were cut out intentionally and some just kinda wandered out on their own. I think this has been good for me. I'm starting to realize who my real friends are and which people were just along for the fun, the parties, etc. I'm glad that's becoming a smaller part of my life. Don't get me wrong I still know how to have fun, and still want to, but I see nothing wrong with settling down a little. You can still have fun without going overboard and that's a good balance for me. I need a little stability in my life right now. I'm not saying no more partying.. but I'm definitely drawing a fine line between "party friends" and real friends. As well as making sure they stay very separated.
That being said, no more guys. I mean, the guys from the past that I've played the silly games with, etc etc. I neither want or need a guy who only comes around when one or both of us is drinking/drunk. Usually, that means I can only tolerate him when I'm not sober and who needs someone like that around? Not this girl. Not only am I starting to realize what I want in a friend, I'm starting to realize what I DON'T want in a relationship. Settling down is so weird. I'm still content with being semi-single, though. Mainly because I just don't have the time for anything serious in my life right now. I have enough craziness to deal with on my own without dragging someone else into the mix full time. I'm not exactly single.. but I wouldn't say I'm in a relationship either. I'm just taking my time to decide what I want. And you know what.. GOOD FOR ME. I haven't done that in a while. I always said I wasn't gonna settle for less than what I deserved or wanted. But the last few guys I've "dated" have all had something "off" about them and I had to talk myself into those things being okay with me. Finally, I'd just reach a breaking point and think, "What the hell are you thinking!? That behavior is NOT okay!"
I'm doing what I want, what I need.. for ME. And I feel myself getting happier by the minute. It will all get better with time.