Saturday, June 18, 2011

Chapter 2

I haven't blogged in a long time. So much has changed and so much has stayed the same.. it's weird. I've been up and down, back and forth with the same relationship for a little while now and it's been taking a toll on me. I can finally say, with total confidence in my decision, it's over. Honestly, I've learned a lot about myself and what I truly want in this whole process. While I'll always love this person, and always hold out hope that he can go back to being one of my best friends someday, he just wasn't "the one". Of course, hurting him hurts me but I have this peace inside of me now that tells me I made the right choice. I know God has a plan for me. I don't know what it is or where it's gonna take me.. but I know I have to do everything in my power to follow that plan, no matter what.

The wonderful job that I fell in love with from the start is proving to be anything but wonderful now. I really like the job itself but the drama from a specific person at said job is just insane. The last 2 weeks have been filled with drama and tension beyond anything I've ever seen. I thought getting a "grown up job" meant I might actually be working with grown ups. Boy, was I wrong! I have, for the most part, been able to get over the drama and not sweat the small stuff. After all, I have bills to pay and I don't go to work to play with my friends. At the end of the day, I leave the drama there and try to come home happy. Some days, I succeed. Other days I fail miserably. It's a work in progress.

For the most part, I'm pretty content. I've set a time frame for some things I want to achieve and I feel like everyday I'm just counting down to those moments. As frustrating as that is, it gives me something to look forward to and I can't complain about that.

One thing really weighing on my heart lately is how much I miss my family. There are moments when I feel so far away, so disconnected. This happens mostly when I get wrapped up in the drama and stress myself to the point of no return. Sometimes I don't feel like myself anymore and I find myself just longing to be around the people that keep me grounded and remind me to stay true to myself. I guess it's pretty easy to take your family for granted sometimes but life has a way of forcing you to think about what really matters. I'm blessed to have an amazing, supportive family. Especially in times like that.

I heard a quote the other day and even though I can't remember it word for word, I took a lot away from it. Basically it said that life is like a book, you have good chapters and you have bad. Well, I'm turning the page in my book. I've come to the end of a chapter filled with insecurity, doubt, and sadness. It's time to start creating a new chapter and that's exactly what I intend to do. I feel confident, powerful, in charge of my life for the first time in.. well, ever. I know what I want and I have the motivation and determination to get it all. I'm done taking life one step at a time.. I'm jumping, skipping, running head-on into life, full force. I'm alive, on fire, full of the will to just live. I can't wait to see where God will take me :)

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