Birthday Smirthday

You never lied to me not once

Its not your fault that I cant trust

Its in my past, its in my path and I can't go there

Making a mess out of this game

To see it all go up in flames

So tired of being ruthless and wreckless

Time to be your only one

To almost be you're way too young

Time to crash into the sun

Time to be your 21

Time to dream that love with last

Time to drive my car too fast

Time to walk before I run

Time to be your 21

 

I don't believe in love and I

I pull it to the wall

I tasted sweetness there to laugh so hard as it falls

And I could push you there if you don't stop me

Push you there if you don't stop me

Please stop me

 

Its gut wrenching sometimes

Its life threatening sometimes

Seems like nothing can wash it all away

(Alexz Johnson - Time to be Your 21)

So, in 10 days, I'll be 22 years old. I guess you could say I'm looking forward to my birthday. In all honesty, it probably won't even feel like a birthday, I'm just ready for some cake. (Luckily, my cousin's birthday is this Friday, one week before mine. Two weeks of cake? Happy birthday to ME!)

I stand by my belief that after your 21st, birthdays just lose their appeal. I'm extremely tempted to have my 21st again.. but that probably won't happen. I'm far too boring for a 22 year old.

In the spirit of birthdays, specifically mine, this is my birthday wishlist post. Most of the things I want are things that I can, and probably will eventually, buy for myself. But let's face it, who doesn't love gifts and free stuff? Here's to wishing. (I'll keep adding more, check back if you care)

Kindle. Contrary to popular belief, not only can I, I like to read.

Season DVDs. Sadly, I'm now addicted.

Floor pillows. Not these specific ones, just really huge pillows. Just cuz.

Texts from Last Night book. For rainy days. And because I'm easily entertained.

So these are things I want. Among other things. And, of course, world peace and all that stuff.

Back to life.. 

I don't know what I'm doing. Emotionally, I mean. Other than really confusing myself. I've cut some people out. Now I'm thinking maybe I let go of someone that I shouldn't have. Because, even though I feel.. no, I KNOW this person can't possibly be good for me, I feel like I need them now. More than anything I wanna say "even though it's awful, screwed up, and makes no sense.. we're SO good together". That's not something that's easy to have with someone.. and not something I thought I'd want. Maybe I don't.. maybe I just can't let myself want that right now. I don't know what I want. Am I really about to be 22?