Better In Time

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going, coming, thought I heard a knock
Who's there, no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gonna be OK

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the tv
thout something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming, don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings, but that's the path I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice, boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gonna be OK
(Leona Lewis - Better In Time)

For some reason, this song describes how I feel right now. Except not really.. lol. It's more of a breakup song and I'm not really going through a breakup but more of a "I really, really care about you and I really fricken wish I didn't" situation. I've been going back and forth with myself about this, over and over in my mind for days.. and I still don't understand it. Anyone who knows me at all would know this is odd. I don't usually like to dwell on things, especially people. I think the fact that I'm confused, challenged even, is interesting to me. It's sorta like this.. I had a friend that would point a laser at the wall and her cat would be mesmerized. She'd chase it around for a few minutes, then just stare at it forever. Almost like she was thinking, "it's RIGHT there, it's so easy.. why can't I catch it?". That's how I feel. Except that my failure is due to my own stupidity, not the fact that you CAN'T catch a laser.

So, that's my dilemma. I'm mesmerized. I'm not used to things being complicated, being the one to care, reading too much into little things. Which makes me feel that, maybe, the person that has the ability to make me feel this way must be pretty damn special. Or I'm just totally off my game. I guess we'll see.


Aside from that.. my mini vacation was alright. Not nearly as "crazy" as I had hoped it would be but I guess I did have pretty high hopes. However, during this trip, I did make some plans for some crazy soon.. so I'm content :) A few beach trips, Lady Gaga concert, weekend getaways, and (fingers crossed) a trip to Philly to end the summer. If I didn't have to pay rent and a car payment, I think it might be the best summer ever. But I do.. so I have to fit work in there somehow. I'm still pretty positive that it's gonna be a great summer :)

I hope everyone had a great weekend!