Never Again

Forgiveness says that I should give you one more try
But it's too late, it's over now

I am hurt. There's a part of me that's broken and I don't know how to fix it. I have these wonderful days, where life seems so perfect and I don't know how I could be happier. But right now, I just feel hurt. I would probably say I feel empty, except it's impossible to feel "empty" with all this pain inside of you.

So, this isn't entertaining. Far from it. But I didn't promise entertaining all the time, I promised real. This is as real as it gets. Real, deep, physically sickening, numbing pain.

The one person that I trusted, more than anything, to never make me feel this way.. the only person I ever let my guard down entirely with.. is the reason for this. What's worse is that I wish I could hate you and I can't. I am powerless against feeling anything but wanting, needing you. That, I hate. You, I wish with every fiber of my being that I could hate.

This will get better. It'll go away, I know. But right now it's real, it's tearing me into pieces. And even though I know I'll cry tonight.. then wake up tomorrow and already begin to move forward, right now I feel weak. I feel sick, I feel helpless, I feel pathetic. Never again.

Sadness has me at the end of the line
Helpless, watched you break this heart of mine
And loneliness only wants you back here with me
Common sense knows that you're not good enough for me
And all you had to do
Was apologize, and mean it

But you didn't say you're sorry
I don't understand
You don't care that you hurt me
...
My heart may never mend
And you'll never get to love me.. again

Mood: FUCK. YOU.

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Less than ten minutes after posting this.. I already feel better. I guess sometimes you just need to, finally, get things out. Music has a lot to do with it too.. this song fits a little better.

Cause goodbyes are like a roulette wheel
You never know where they're gonna land
First you're spinning, then you're standing still
Left holding a losing hand
But one day you're gonna find someone
And right away you'll know it's true
That all of your seeking's done
It's just a part of the passing through
Right there in that moment you'll finally understand
That I was better as a memory than as your man
Better as a memory than as your man

Updated Mood: Calm