Happiness

Now that I'm back on the "blogging bandwagon" I'm excited to start posting again. If Mason allows me to share my attention with anything besides him, that is. He seems to want more "mommy time" as he gets older which makes it hard for me to get anything else done. Not that I really mind :)

It seems like the last year has been such a whirlwind. Kyle and I went from being a carefree, adventurous couple who took spontaneous weekend trips.. to exhausted parents of a sweet baby boy who get overjoyed at the thought of "sleeping in" until 7 a.m. There's no doubt about the fact that it's now Mason's world and we  just live in it. Truth is.. we wouldn't have it any other way. No matter how many dirty diapers or sleepless nights we both know just how lucky we are to have such a wonderful little person in our lives. It's crazy how much you can love something so small. And it doesn't stop.. you keep loving them more and more every single day. You love them until it feels like your heart could just explode. (Don't worry, it won't)


Tomorrow Mason will be 11 weeks old. I don't know how the time has gone by so fast. Sometimes I wish I could slow it down, rewind it, relive it. I know he'll keep growing, learning, become stronger and smarter.. but there are days that I wish he could be this small and innocent forever.

I remember being pregnant and being so scared that I wouldn't know how to take care of a baby. I worried and stressed for months about every tiny little thing. Ran through every worst case scenario in my mind. And then when he finally came, and we brought our sweet baby home, somehow we just knew what to do. I'm not saying we're perfect parents. We've probably done certain things wrong and, no doubt, will make plenty of mistakes in the future. But we try. And we've come a long way. For example, I don't check to make sure he's still breathing EVERY time he goes to sleep now.. :)

Things have definitely changed.. but I can't say that I would change anything. I'm happy, blessed, thankful..

Changes

I'm way overdue on updates.

Might as well just get right to it. Since my last post a LOT has changed in my life. The biggest change is a small thing.. but he sure has taken up all the room in our hearts :)

Introducing.. Mason Bryce

Yes. As crazy as it still seems to me.. Kyle & I became parents on April 4, 2012 at 7:21 p.m. God has blessed us with a beautiful, healthy baby boy and we couldn't be more thrilled. Of course, I have to have a proud mama moment and post a ton of pictures now. Enjoy :)

 Mason @ 2 days old in the hospital.. 8 lb, 10 oz baby boy :)

First week home. He was already a snuggle bug!

1 week old.

This smile melts my heart. I would do anything for him.

Stylin!

Most recent picture @ 2 months old.





I can't even stand how cute my kid is! I know you're SUPPOSED to think your baby is cute.. but I am seriously obsessed with him. He's already got us wrapped, that's for sure.

There have been many changes in the last year of my life.. but he is, by far, the best thing that has ever happened to me. You never understand the over-protective love your parents feel for you until you have your own child. And just when you think you can't love them more.. somehow you do. It's a pretty wonderful feeling :)

Since I want to remember this amazing, overwhelming, exciting time in our lives I've decided to start blogging again so I can keep track of things. I doubt it will be anything like my last blogging adventure.. but we'll see how it goes :)

So much to say..

This should be the "I've been m.i.a for months and now I'm just bursting with happiness and joy and wanna talk ALL about it" post that I've been meaning to get to for a while now. But it's not. Those joyful, happy feelings have currently been put on hold. They've been replaced. By worry, anger, hurt, frustration.. feelings that are all too familiar. I'm trying to control my emotions, though (something I NEVER would have done before) and, even though it's REALLY hard to do, it's keeping me sane.. for the moment.

Alright.. snap back to reality. Emotional breakdown aside, things have been pretty good. Crazy, in unimaginable ways, but good. I haven't been partying lately, having crazy, single adventures, or just getting into stupid trouble with my friends. I guess I've been kinda.. detached. From everything. I've been inside this little bubble that consists of working, stressing out, trying to sleep, and working some more. This was, at first, a welcome change.. a slower pace. Now I'm starting to get anxious. I can feel this little voice inside of me screaming, "what's happened to you? WHO ARE YOU?". Little voice, I wish I knew. All I know, is that everything has changed.

I'm holding back.. a lot. If I weren't, this post would make a whole lot more sense. But for now this is all I can do. A weak attempt, I know. I guess I've just become boring now..

Weekend, don't go..

I wish this weekend never had to end. I'll admit, I was a little worried that it might be a rocky weekend.. but it was pretty much amazing. I guess everything is better when you're with your best friend :)

Mushiness aside for a second.. it really was an awesome weekend. Posting pics as soon as we get home!

Changes. Love. Weekend. Roadtrip.

So I've completely been slacking on the blogfront lately. I'm gonna have to do a long catch up post when I'm on my computer and not my phone. Annnnnyway.. I am currently on a mini road trip, to Tennessee I think, with my boyfriend. Weird, right? A month ago, I never would have thought I'd even want a boyfriend. I definitely didn't think I would be at the point with someone that I'd want to spend 3 days straight with them. But I am absolutely, undeniably, totally and completely happy. It's about damn time.

We decided to spend our 3 day, 4th of July weekend out of town.. we didn't make any plans, just packed and left town (it was even his idea, which makes me so incredibly happy because I love spontaneity!) Other than me totally NOT being a morning person and him being crazy hyper.. it's been great so far.

I couldn't be happier :)

Good

Today was a good day. I guess I should say today IS a good day, though, since it's not over yet. So.. today is a good day. Aside from the little "surge" of emotions here and there, I've been in a pretty good mood today. I spent part of the afternoon at the river with my family, went for a boat ride, and just "lazed" (I need to start using my made up words more) around for a bit. Then I came home, changed clothes and went to the gym. I've decided to extend my "new chapter"/fresh start thing to every aspect of my life, including fitness. I set this goal for myself a while ago but I never really took the time to follow through with it. I've been doing a lot better lately and I'm proud of myself.

So, fingers crossed that nothing comes up, I'm planning on going to Charleston next weekend to look at apartments. I'm not sure what got into me, other than this rush of awkward emotions, and lit the fire under me to finally follow through with my plans to move. I guess I've just been feeling kinda "stuck" lately and I need a change. I'm excited for this. I'm not sure what I'll do when I get there but that's half the fun. Even though I DO know some people there I don't know enough that it will just feel like the same old thing. Besides, my plan is to meet new people and really put myself out there this time to every possibility. I've never moved somewhere new without a boyfriend or having a boyfriend back home and I think it will be good to be in a "new" place with no restrictions. Worst case scenario I'll be lonely and visit home a lot.. 5 hours isn't so far away.

I'm not really sure how I feel right now. I'm not sad, I'm not overly happy.. I just feel good. It's like I've found something inside myself that keeps saying "don't be afraid to do what you want or ask for what you want, do it.. take it.."

It's nice to be back in this place again.. I've missed good :)

These thoughts, all these thoughts..

You know what I don't understand? Well, other than people who have foot fetishes or wear socks with sandals.. I don't understand the way emotions work. I don't understand why, as humans, we can't just be happy with what we have. Or at least toss it aside and find something else to be happy with.

Exhibit A: Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy but in a different way. Boy waits a really long time to be with girl. Girl decides to give boy a chance. Boy is happy. Girl is not feeling the same way as boy so girl ends things with boy. Boy is sad. Girl knows this is the best decision. Boy says goodbye. Girl wants boy back.

What the heck?! Before I start ranting.. let me continue on with this little scenario. Alright, boy is gone and girl wants him back. Boy comes back and girl is happy. Boy wants to spend time with girl. Girl wants to be alone pretty much ALL the time. Boy gets upset. Girl ends it. Boy is sad but goes away again. Girl, who did not want boy, wants boy back.

This, obviously, is just a hypothetical situation (that, obviously, is a lie) but this whole scenario blows my mind. Why do we want what we can't have? Or why don't we just want what we CAN have when we HAVE it?! I hate this. I hate feelings and emotions with every fiber of my being. Yes, I realize that hate is a feeling and I hate it too.

Whatever it is that takes over.. that little thing there in the back of our minds when our head is saying, "you know this is the right thing, you need to let go" Yeah, you know that thing I'm talking about? Well.. I DO NOT LIKE IT. It's like the head is fighting the heart. For every logical explanation the head comes up with for why you shouldn't do/want/feel something, the heart just counteracts that. But not in simple debate form, no. The heart is a tricky little bastard and pulls out all these memories that you didn't even know you had. Completely irrelevant memories that meant so little at the time that you didn't even notice, or care enough to file them away, but now they're all you think about. The heart attaches every song, whether happy or sad, to that person and keeps replaying those obnoxious songs over and over in your head. The heart makes you type long, heartfelt letters to that person and pour out everything you have. Then, when your head tells you to destroy that letter and never actually send it, the heart makes you wait a day and do it all over again. I'm not sure what I dislike most.. the heart for feeling all this crap in the first place or the head for not being stubborn enough to tell the heart no. It's that simple. It should be anyway. Just say no. Even when it feels like your heart is being ripped into a million tiny pieces, your whole body just feels empty and numb, and you can't think about anything else.. JUST. SAY. NO.

It's simple.. right?

Oh well.. moving on. Tomorrow (technically today) is father's day. I'm looking forward to spending some time with my family. I just wish it wasn't Sunday already. I feel like the weekends go by so much faster than they used to. I dislike that almost as much as the heart. Anyway, I should have some pretty interesting posts coming up if this week plays out anything like I expect it to. Fair warning, a few will probably be containing more angry rants from me about feelings. Disregard this, I'm feeling highly emotional at this time. Nothing the right amount of drugs, alcohol and sex can't fix. Just kidding. Seriously though, I'm kidding.

Pants on, feelings off. Happypants out!

Chapter 2

I haven't blogged in a long time. So much has changed and so much has stayed the same.. it's weird. I've been up and down, back and forth with the same relationship for a little while now and it's been taking a toll on me. I can finally say, with total confidence in my decision, it's over. Honestly, I've learned a lot about myself and what I truly want in this whole process. While I'll always love this person, and always hold out hope that he can go back to being one of my best friends someday, he just wasn't "the one". Of course, hurting him hurts me but I have this peace inside of me now that tells me I made the right choice. I know God has a plan for me. I don't know what it is or where it's gonna take me.. but I know I have to do everything in my power to follow that plan, no matter what.

The wonderful job that I fell in love with from the start is proving to be anything but wonderful now. I really like the job itself but the drama from a specific person at said job is just insane. The last 2 weeks have been filled with drama and tension beyond anything I've ever seen. I thought getting a "grown up job" meant I might actually be working with grown ups. Boy, was I wrong! I have, for the most part, been able to get over the drama and not sweat the small stuff. After all, I have bills to pay and I don't go to work to play with my friends. At the end of the day, I leave the drama there and try to come home happy. Some days, I succeed. Other days I fail miserably. It's a work in progress.

For the most part, I'm pretty content. I've set a time frame for some things I want to achieve and I feel like everyday I'm just counting down to those moments. As frustrating as that is, it gives me something to look forward to and I can't complain about that.

One thing really weighing on my heart lately is how much I miss my family. There are moments when I feel so far away, so disconnected. This happens mostly when I get wrapped up in the drama and stress myself to the point of no return. Sometimes I don't feel like myself anymore and I find myself just longing to be around the people that keep me grounded and remind me to stay true to myself. I guess it's pretty easy to take your family for granted sometimes but life has a way of forcing you to think about what really matters. I'm blessed to have an amazing, supportive family. Especially in times like that.

I heard a quote the other day and even though I can't remember it word for word, I took a lot away from it. Basically it said that life is like a book, you have good chapters and you have bad. Well, I'm turning the page in my book. I've come to the end of a chapter filled with insecurity, doubt, and sadness. It's time to start creating a new chapter and that's exactly what I intend to do. I feel confident, powerful, in charge of my life for the first time in.. well, ever. I know what I want and I have the motivation and determination to get it all. I'm done taking life one step at a time.. I'm jumping, skipping, running head-on into life, full force. I'm alive, on fire, full of the will to just live. I can't wait to see where God will take me :)

Weekend

I don't even know where to start.. the past week was a little rough. I have to say it did go by pretty quickly but it was still just stressful enough to make me wanna pull my hair out at the end of every day. Next weekend will be a 3 day weekend for me, which means the week is probably gonna drag by at a glacial pace. Oh well.

This weekend was a disaster to say the least. Saturday night I had agreed to go to a bachelorette party with a friend, as moral support. Her new husband's ex was going to be there and I guess she felt like she might need backup in case, for lack of better words, shit went down. Of course, me being me, I agreed to be the good friend and go along. It might not have been so bad had I not gotten sufficiently drunk by 8 pm and said ex wasn't ugly and pregnant. Biting my tongue is not something I'm good at, nor do I enjoy practicing, but I took one for the team and didn't hit the boring, whiny, pregnant girl.

Anyone who has ever partied with me knows I pretty much never get sick. I mean, I might FEEL like I'm going to get sick, but I hardly ever do. Saturday night.. I got sick. And you would think that would be my cue to stop drinking liquor and start drinking water, right? Nope. Apparently, drunk me thought that meant my stomach made more room for drinks. Winning? I don't think so. So, things went downhill quickly and just kept going.. and going.. and going.

Needless to say, I was useless all day today. I got home around 9 am (WAY too early), then passed back out until about 5. I'm still exhausted and not, in any way, ready for work tomorrow. I am starting to get in a nice little routine though, which makes me feel less stressed about Monday. I'm sure it's gonna be as hectic and tiring as Mondays usually are.. but I need a vacation from my weekend. Seriously.

Need you to know..

This one is personal. I don't know if he'll see it, doesn't really matter, I just need to say it.


From the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry. I wish I could understand why things are, and always have been, this way between us. You know that I wish things were different more than anything but I've come to accept that it just "is what it is" with us. Does it hurt? Yes. Does it suck? A whole lot. I used to consider you one of my best friends. You were someone I could laugh, cry, be my completely insane self around. Why that could never translate into something more, I honestly don't know. I do know that it breaks my heart though.. to have hurt you, to have lost you, to think that things will never be the same with us again. If I know anything, it's that everything happens for a reason. What reason? That I don't understand.. but one day I will. Until then, it's probably gonna hurt and it's probably gonna suck. But I'm still gonna love you. I'm still gonna be here, be your friend. I will pray every single day for you. I will pray that you're loved, successful, happy beyond imagination. Because you deserve nothing less. I truly don't think anyone could ever understand me like you do, care about you like I do, or realize what we had. I miss you, I love you.

Disconnect

I've made a decision. A few, actually.

First, I deleted my facebook. It seems like such a silly thing to even call a "decision" but if you had any idea how much of my time I actually spend on there, you'd understand that this is a big deal. What made me decide to do this? Drama, temptation and the fact that I'm just plain annoyed with the shallowness of the people I call my "friends" on there. How long have I been saying I want to do better, be better? As if I think my life is going magically fix itself and smack me in the face when everything is all better. Nope. I'm done with the shallowness and immaturity. I don't want, or need, it in my life. I don't know how long this will last.. but I know I already feel better as a result from being "disconnected" with that part of my life.

My second decision, MAKE A DECISION. I know that I want things to be different.. but how? Where do I start? By making the decision to change.. and DOING it. I used to be madly in love with life. Literally wake up smiling. It sounds so cliche.. but I used to have this fire inside. And lately I'm not sure where that's gone. Frankly, I think I've just become scared. Scared to take chances, scared of failure, scared to look like an idiot. I've become so reserved, so self conscious, so worried about "what will people think". It's time to forget that. It's time to ask myself, "what do YOU think?" and I am.

Today I took a chance. I got hurt.. and in the past I would have closed up and acted as if I didn't care. Today I didn't. Did it make a damn bit of difference? Nope. But at least I tried. And you know what.. that IS all that matters. I tried. I put myself on the line, took a chance on looking like a fool, risked getting hurt a little. And it was TOTALLY WORTH IT. I want everyday to be like this. It's a little painful, I'm not gonna lie.. but it's also entirely freeing and exhilarating. I can sleep at night knowing that I put it all out there.. when I got a chance, I took it. That's me from now on. First comes God.. then comes happiness, joy, freedom. I think, deep down, I've been waiting around for someone to come into my life and bring all those things to me. All along, they've been in me.. waiting to come out, all I have to do is just LIVE.

That's my main focus right now. Living my life, putting God first, being happy. Honestly, I think they all go hand in hand. Even though I'm a little bummed.. I'm feeling lighter than I've felt in a long time. Somehow I feel like being disconnected from the wrong things is only pushing me to be connected to right ones. I hope so.. I want that, need that, more than anything right now. I don't understand it.. but I'm happy.

Oh yeah, they say life goes on..

Let's start this post off by taking a look at my horoscope for today:

Your home and family life may face something of a crisis or turning point today. If you and your partner have not been clear on your future direction, you may find yourselves asking where you want to go from here. A loved one may be dealing with an emotional challenge.

Check.. check.. annnnd.. check. Wow. I'm not loving the truth in this horoscope. I demand some positivity from you, Universe! Okay, moving on..

Today was NOT a good day. Just what I get for being overly optimistic about this week. Positive note? It didn't rain on me while I was wearing a white shirt, no birds pooped on my shoulder, and I didn't split my pants. Yes, I'm now taking the "it could always be worse" approach now. Honestly, what's worse than bird poop? No answers to that, please.

This is gonna be a busy week for me. Which is a good thing, it'll go by quickly. I'm also gonna be dead tired by Friday.. but I am NOT complaining. Busy means productive and productive means happy. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..

Affirmation

What did I decide today? God is like chocolate. The more you get, the more you want. Except too much God never makes you sick or fat. God is great :)

Today started out great. Actually, it started out with me waking up super late and barely making it to church on time.. but after that it was great. After church, I had mother's day lunch and spent time with the family. Since I got my new job I haven't seen them much and it was nice to just relax and hang out with them.

I feel really good about getting back into church. I've known for a while that it would be a good, positive change for me but I've definitely been slacking. It's amazing how much better I feel when I open up my heart completely and just let God take over. It seems like things just keep falling into place.. a very welcome change.

With everything falling into place, of course something would have to fall "out" of place. I thought I'd take a chance on someone that, against his efforts, has been on the back burner for a while. I've been on the fence about this, since I don't really have time for a relationship right now, but I decided to give it a chance. What's the worst that could happen, right? Well, he did exactly what I knew he was gonna do. He doubted everything and let his insecurity get in the way. Honestly, I think I'm better off. I'm not really upset about him not working out as a boyfriend, but I am sad that I've lost him as a friend. I knew it was coming though, so I guess I'm numb to it.

I'm really looking forward to this week. I don't know if I could possibly love my job more and I'm getting into a good routine. I even have less and less "mental breakdown" thoughts throughout the day. And now I have no relationship issues to deal with. Things can only keep getting better it seems :)

Just breathe

Everything is gonna be okay. I know this.. I just have to keep reminding myself.

I've had about 8 hours of sleep total the last two nights. Aside from being exhausted, work has been great. I really love my job, which helps the days go by faster, and I'm so thankful for the chance to work with such awesome people. If I can just get caught up on sleep and eliminate some stress.. I think I might get out from under my little cloud of darkness and back to my oblivious state of "happy happy, joy joy".

On a positive note, I'm finding it a lot easier to blog now that I've gotten everything out. I mean, I don't really have a lot to talk about right now but, at the same time, I don't feel like I've hit an emotional brick wall. Progress? I hope so.

I've cut a few people out of my life. Some were cut out intentionally and some just kinda wandered out on their own. I think this has been good for me. I'm starting to realize who my real friends are and which people were just along for the fun, the parties, etc. I'm glad that's becoming a smaller part of my life. Don't get me wrong I still know how to have fun, and still want to, but I see nothing wrong with settling down a little. You can still have fun without going overboard and that's a good balance for me. I need a little stability in my life right now. I'm not saying no more partying.. but I'm definitely drawing a fine line between "party friends" and real friends. As well as making sure they stay very separated.

That being said, no more guys. I mean, the guys from the past that I've played the silly games with, etc etc. I neither want or need a guy who only comes around when one or both of us is drinking/drunk. Usually, that means I can only tolerate him when I'm not sober and who needs someone like that around? Not this girl. Not only am I starting to realize what I want in a friend, I'm starting to realize what I DON'T want in a relationship. Settling down is so weird. I'm still content with being semi-single, though. Mainly because I just don't have the time for anything serious in my life right now. I have enough craziness to deal with on my own without dragging someone else into the mix full time. I'm not exactly single.. but I wouldn't say I'm in a relationship either. I'm just taking my time to decide what I want. And you know what.. GOOD FOR ME. I haven't done that in a while. I always said I wasn't gonna settle for less than what I deserved or wanted. But the last few guys I've "dated" have all had something "off" about them and I had to talk myself into those things being okay with me. Finally, I'd just reach a breaking point and think, "What the hell are you thinking!? That behavior is NOT okay!"

I'm doing what I want, what I need.. for ME. And I feel myself getting happier by the minute. It will all get better with time.

Confession

I haven't blogged in a while and I don't really know why. I have so much going on in my life right now.. but for some reason, every single time I log on and find myself face-to-face with this blank screen, I'm at a loss for words. I guess I've done such a good job at keeping everything bottled up inside lately that it just doesn't wanna come out now. At some point, I know it will.. and chances are it won't be pretty.

It seems like everything that's happened has been over the span of several months, not just 14 days. I don't even know where to begin. I feel like everything has come together, exactly as I wanted it to be. I have a new, grown up job that I LOVE. I'm finally learning who should, and shouldn't be, a part of my life. I'm starting to figure out how to do this growing up thing. After a long and extremely hard year of joy, pain, changes, loss.. I'm finally where I've wanted to be. Aside from being finished with school, I've basically accomplished everything I wanted to accomplish for myself. I have everything I wanted. So why do I have this sinking feeling? Why does it feel like something is missing?

I don't want to complain or sound ungrateful.. especially now. I know that I am SO blessed. I have seen and done more in my short life than most people even imagine. Every single day I wake up healthy, with a supporting family that never fails to show me love or praise my achievements. I have most everything I could ever want and more than I need. Yet, somehow, there's this emptiness that just won't go away. Like a hole inside of me that nothing can fill.

That's hard for me to say. I don't like to be sad, especially not publicly. I WANT to be happy, always, and I want to bring positive energy to other people. How can you do that when you have all this dark, heavy, negative weight on the inside.. dragging you down? It's not like I'm always sad, walking around crying all the time, or anything. I hang out with my friends, laugh, smile, enjoy my life. In fact, most of the time, I'm pretty content. I really have no reason not to be. I have good days and bad days just like everyone. Yes, most of the time, I'm okay.

The rest of the time.. I'm not. It's hard to explain. It's almost like this force, taking over my body and leaving me totally drained. When I'm in this state, I am either sad or just totally numb. And no matter what I do, how hard I pray for it to stop, it doesn't go away. It's not a moment of self pity.. I realize that I have SO much to be happy for. It's not just hormones or an emotional reaction to something. It's this constant feeling of "I'm sad and I don't know why". Sometimes so sad that it's painful and causes me to be physically sick.

It's extremely hard for me to talk about this, even to people close to me. I guess part of the reason is because I haven't wanted to admit it. I hate being weak. I hate feeling frustrated or helpless. I don't want to EVER need help. But maybe I do.. maybe there's strength in accepting your weaknesses. Maybe talking about it will shed some light on where these feelings are coming from, or help me to deal with them. Sometimes they're so overwhelming that "dealing" with them seems impossible. I wanted to "put it all out there" for the purpose of figuring out more about myself.. maybe this is the next step.

I don't know where to go from here. But I know that I haven't give up yet.. and that has to be a good sign, right?

Randomness

I was having a pointless conversation about turtles, that led to me doing a google search for pictures of baby turtles, and I found this blog post that I thought was cute. So, I'm sharing:

This weekend, Jason & I took a nice long walk/jog along the road that leads from our island to the next island.. As we were heading back towards our car (still about a mile away), something on the side of the road caught my eye. It looked like a shiny pebble at first… but on closer inspection it was a BABY TURTLE!!

Seriously, this turtle was the CUTEST thing I have ever seen! About an inch long, it was soo tiny yet so spunky.. Our running past it must have startled it, because he was scrunched up in his shell, but his little eyes were darting back and forth, perhaps wondering when it would be safe to pop back out. We backed off & watched it, wondering if it was headed back to the bay, or across the scary road to the marshland beyond. After a few moments, the baby turtle emerged from its shell & TOOK OFF for the middle of the road!

Now, let me explain something… while this road is not a highway, the cars do drive rather quickly, and a turtle of this size would never be seen by a car! This little turtle was bravely heading where he knew he needed to be… unbeknownst to any danger though. :( It made me so sad to think of how many baby turtles must die while making a trek like this!

So, we decided to save the little fella. Jason picked him up, and we carried him to his destination: the other side of the road. He still had a lot of ground to cover, but at least he’d be safe from cars! We watched for a bit because it was quite amusing and he was sooooo stinkin’ cute! He got stuck in a little patch of grass at one point, which was really cute, too (we helped him through it), then he had to face a mountain to climb (really a steep dirt incline about 6 inches high).

This tiny little turtle stretched its little neck waaaay out and strained with every fiber of its being… but made it over this hill! After that, I knew he’d be okay. This cute little turtle sure had a lot of spunk and definite perseverence… and I found it teaching me a lesson! This turtle had a goal, and it would face any and every hardship and obstacle that got in its way. Sure, at times it would hide in its shell, but it was always on the alert, checking for danger & moving forward when the coast was clear. When the going got tough, he didn’t give up or turn back… he kept pressing forward, straining ahead because he knew something better awaited him on the other side.

I hope I can say the same for my own life! I know I have a goal (aside from Heaven), and that is to be more like Christ. Hardships and obstacles will often try to stand in the way of that relationship and squash my faith or ruin my marriage… but these are things that must be faced! Sure it’s easy to hide my “shell”, tuning out those who want to get close… but that’s not what God wants us to do! We must be on the alert, pray without ceasing, and persevere towards our goal. When the going gets tough - when our marriage seems like its failing, our kids are disobedient, or a diagnosis of a serious illness comes in - we’re not to give up our faith or turn our backs on our relationship with Christ. Those are the times to keep going! Strive for that heart like God’s, because it brings more reward than anything we can possibly hope for!
God doesn’t promise us an easy life, an easy marriage, perfect kids, or financial bliss. In fact, he tells us that in this world we WILL face trouble! But we need to be at peace, knowing that God is in control. We can face ANYTHING with Him as our guide!

I thought this was a great post, and a great message. Here's the link to the whole post & her blog: http://thestrivingwife.com/lessons-from-a-baby-turtle/

We have a pulse!

I swear I'm alive!

I can't believe it's been over a week since I last posted. I can't believe it's only been 1 week since last week in general.. I have soooo much going on! It's getting hard to keep things straight. I promise to be a super great blogger.. just not right now. There's a tornado warning and I just got home from work. Which means it's gonna storm.. and I'M gonna cuddle up in my bed. Lazy and completely content.

But good news.. I'm alive :)

Drool sesh

So I can't sleep at all :(

Luckily, Robert Pattinson is on Jimmy Kimmel live.

Drool. Sesh.

Yep, that's all folks.

Gaga, changes, bloggers block

So, it's been almost a week since my last post. It's funny to me that, at one time, I couldn't have ever imagined NOT blogging for a week. I used to post three times a day like an addict or something! Life has been throwing stuff at me left and right and, although I'm happy, it's been a stressful few days.

First and foremost, I have to start off with my weekend. Friday night I went to a Lady Gaga concert in Orlando with a friend. I wasn't ever really, well, "gaga" over her like a lot of people are. I liked some of her songs and thought she was a little odd but never really cared much either way. That being said.. I am now obsessed! For some reason, probably because of the strange things I've seen her do, I didn't expect her to be so real. She interacted with her fans and is actually a really great live performer. A few times, I got chills just seeing how many people were there and how into the show they were. It was definitely a  really awesome experience. An experience that we very nearly missed, by the way! We got "lost" and ended up being an hour and a half late. Luckily, we walked in, sat down and she came on 5 minutes later. So, thanks to the perfect timing and great show, Friday night ended up being pretty great.

Saturday we spent pretty much all day at the mall then went to City Walk. Our plan was to buy a pass that got us into all 6 bars/clubs and check each one out. However, when alcohol is involved, things don't always go according to plan. We made it to two places. Thanks to a lovely little drink called a "hurricane" we got completely obliterated. We ended up making new friends (I know what you're thinking, not all guys!) and all went back to our hotel room for an "epic afterparty". What ACTUALLY happened was.. we all drank a little more and passed out. The night was still insanely fun though and now we have friends in Orlando :) Sunday was, most definitely, a day of rest. Maybe not in the way it should have been.. but still.

After reading my last few posts, I've realized that my heart just hasn't been in it lately. Not for lack of things happening, just because most things going on are really personal. I absolutely cannot STAND when people complain about something, expecting you to be understanding and sympathetic, but they won't talk to you about it. It's like this, if I don't know what you're going through.. I don't know how to help you. I get that sometimes you just wanna vent without getting into all the details of something, but I find it extremely annoying when people are vague. So, I've been trying not to do that here. As a result, most of my posts end up being pretty boring and vague anyway.

I guess I'm just in a really weird state of "change" right now. Between a new job, new friends, cutting ties with old "friends".. I'm just learning that things can't, or shouldn't, always stay the same. Change is good. Change is healthy. For me, change is necessary. I have so many things I want to do and, without making some serious changes, those things aren't gonna get done. Here I go.. 1, 2, change.

Dumbbb

First, let's get this outta the way.. word of the day:

This is a word that many of you might be familiar with, I know some of you are really good at it *cough cough*.. this is not, in any way, expanding my vocabulary but I'm in a sarcastic mood today. Deal with it. This word of the day is from Urbandictionary.com

Creeper
person who does weird things, like stares at you while you sleep, or looks at you for hours through a window. Usually a close friend or relative. You know right away if that person is a creeper or does creeper things. It is not hard to spot the creeper.

Ex: Jeff was the "creeper" in the background.

The last line of this "definition" cracks me up. "It is not hard to spot the creeper" I'm beyond amused right now! It's a pretty true statement though. It is, almost always, NOT hard to "spot the creeper". I'm gonna go ahead and warn you right now that this post has no specific point or train of thought. Don't expect anything super intelligent to come out of this. Actually, now I just wanna spend the rest of this post sharing stupid words and definitions. Nexxxxt..

	"It was in the news feed"
	An excuse you can use after Facebook creeping and getting caught. It always works, though the suspicious individual will likely remain skeptical. Ex: Sarah: "Are you creeping on me? How did you know I commented on that picture?" Derek: "No, it was in the news feed!" "Just sayin'.." a term coined to be used at the end of something insulting or offensive to take the heat off you when you say it. "Don't take this the wrong way" What you say to someone right before you say something that can only be taken one way: badly. "This is actually happening" A phrase for use to highlight an ensuing awkward or unbelievable event. Mentioning that it is 'actually happening' helps to address either the awkwardness or awesomeness in the situation to everyone present. Therefore, can be used as a positive reinforcement to encourage the behaviour or as a negative reinforcement to discourage the offender. Use in positive situation: Three hot women approach man and his friends in a bar and ask if they can join them. Lucky Man: "This is actually happening." Use in negative situation: A friend among a group starts to complain about other members of the group in an irrational and mood-ruining manner. Any other group member: "This is actually happening." "Do you" 1. acting in a way that satisfies you, not caring at all about what others think nor about your actions and/or consequences 2. following your heart 3. possibly the best advice you can give anyone when they have a dilemma Ex: when my friend asked me whether he should hang out with the boys or his girl, I told him to do you. BMS Bitchy Men Syndrome. Male version of PMS. Okay, this is taking too long and I'm too entertained. To avoid getting evil hate stares at work, I'm done for now. Seriously, you should check this site out :)